I'm afraid to get shot.
I'm afraid of watching kids dying.
I'm totally, completely terrified of being present during a school shooting.
Some of my favorite memories as a child were getting to go to school with my maternal grandmother. She was a math teacher at a Catholic high school in Michigan. I was mesmerized with the nuns and the students were always so kind to me. It was beyond inspiring to watch her teach. It still impacts how I am today and how I approach my business. For the longest time though, I thought that I was going to be a teacher or school counselor. That's changed though.
As of September 1, 2019 there has been 283 Mass Shootings in the United States.
September 1, 2019 was the 244th day of the year.
[Not all of these mass shootings have happened at schools, but that's truly not the point.]
How can I not think about it? How many other compassionate, educated individuals are holding back because they are afraid of dying at their job. A job that SHOULD NOT have that risk.
How many of our educators, helpers, etc. are BURNT OUT because on top of having the responsibility of teaching the children, they are also constantly on high alert, rehearsing their decision to possibly die for their students if they had to.
Number of Shootings Source: https://www.gunviolencearchive.org/
When I was given the PCOS diagnosis, I had an instant download:
The only thing that will cause more pain than the illness itself is carrying shame around having it.
That's one of the biggest reasons why I've been sharing so openly. I don't want to feel shame around this, I've been carrying enough shame...
Shame around my weight.
Shame around my mood swings.
Shame around my discolored skin.
Shame around my toes.
Enough of it. To truly care for me throughout this process, it is vital that I just be open and transparent. I refuse to let this get any worse by having shame around it.
If you are carrying shame around a story, your body, etc. find a safe place to share it.
If you're looking for that safe person, I'm here for you.
*trigger warning: this blog post contains discussions around self harm. Please be mindful when reading. If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm or suicidal ideation, please have them contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255*
I was an empath growing up in the world on online journals (xanga, livejournal- if you remember these too let me know). I was immersed in the pain of all my fellow angsty and confused adolescents. We all had the similar Linkin Park lyrics as our cryptic away messages on AIM, we all shared our heartache with the world of strangers (and the world that did know us and would use what we shared as ammunition) as we searched for connection, for hope, for meaning.
Many of us didn't find it.
I remember the night where not finding it- that hope- felt so painful it was like I couldn't breathe. How could I get this pain OUT OF ME. That was all I wanted at the time- for the 500 lb weight on my chest to be taken off. There was a pair of scissors sitting on my desk and suddenly physical pain became an instant relief from the emotional pain. On top of that, it was pain I could control. I could administer the pain when I felt like I either a) deserved it or b) was desperate for a relief.
Sadly you guys, this not only opened up the door for some deeply ingrained and f-ed up self harm habits, but it opened up the door for connection. If you don't know this- there are communities of pro-self harm and pro-eating disorder and these communities will cheer you on in your self destruction. There were girls I didn't know messaging me about how much more in control I'd also feel if I restricted my calories or started throwing up after each meal. While this is incredibly messed up- they thought they were helping. I thought they were helping. I had a whole community online that "understood me." This hole was deep and dark. I finally felt loved and in control, but it was one of the most intense illusions I've probably ever experienced.
If you resonate with this, you also know that these urges and emotions don't just go away. I'm constantly unpacking these experiences and beliefs, but I have a foundation to do that from. I was totally one of those people who studied psychology in school to 1) help people and 2) learn how to fix myself! Well, that didn't happen. I was still left sad and searching.
My spiritual practice has shown me that not only did I NOT need to be "fixed," but it showed me how I can rebuild. It showed me how I can develop a sense of self-esteem, it taught me how to handle the dark days, and most importantly, it has guided me to self love. I don't have to resort to self harm anymore because I know how to handle my emotions and care for myself deeply.
If you are needing support in your life reboot, I have just the program for you: Your Sacred Life.
This is an immersive, collaborative, and creative group program that will guide you in developing a spiritual practice so that you can live a MIRACULOUS life, not a stressful one.
I've never been one to shy away from my human-ness. I've always been transparent about being imperfect. Lately, I've been experiencing a lot of guilt with my human-ness. There was a part of the end of last year where I was experiencing RAPID momentum.
And then I got sick and it stopped. And then my mindset KEPT me sick and it felt impossible to find that momentum again.
I've noticed a disconnect and had to turn within to find out what happened so I could get back on track.
In doing so, I've realized I've let some people down. I didn't show up for them in the big way that they were hoping for. I didn't reach out as frequently as I could have. I didn't really share that I was struggling with a really deep depression and it felt like it was draining my power from me. I just avoided.
So, this post. It was going to be titled with an apology, but instead, I say thank you.
Thank you for the grace.
Thank you for staying with me for the journey and not holding it against me.
Thank you for knowing that I was going to come back in a way that was even bigger, better, and so much more aligned than ever before.
Winter is over, time to come out of hiding.
The root chakra is our "I am" center. It is the energetic center that connects us with earth and the material world. When the root is balanced and vibrating at it's highest potential, we experience a strong sense of self, manifest easily, abundance flows, we feel calm and secure. When it's out of balance, we may experience feelings of depression, lack, weakened immune system, problems in the lower body, etc.
Our root chakra represents all the roots in our life. Our personal roots, our family roots, our cultural roots, our ancestral roots. It holds SO much energy which is why it's important for us to consistently ground and nurture our roots.
I felt called to tend to my root chakra the other day and was floored with what came through. I examined the energy of my family roots- what beliefs I was raised in and what still resonates and what no longer holds true for me. The blocks and the blessings that come from my family of origin. When I explored the blessings, I could feel my root expanding. What comes up for you when you think about the blessings from your family of origin? Do you feel expansion? Do you feel resistance?
When I explored the blocks, I could clearly see the patterns laid before me. Patterns of anger. Patterns of lack. We can't break a pattern we are unaware of. I had noticed and felt shame around this pattern of anger happening between myself and my husband. My anger would be quick to rise whenever my husband made a joke- convincing me that I needed to be angry because the joke was most likely about me and after all of my experience with mean girls- I was not about to be the punchline to any jokes. When I went deeper with this and looked at how anger is expressed in my family, this reaction started to become even clearer. If I was the one being angry, I wouldn't be the one the anger was directed toward.
Knowing this pattern, I can break it. I can choose to express anger in a healthy way. I don't have to bottle it up and I don't have to constantly be angry as a shield. I'm transmuting the anger into gentleness. When I feel the anger rising, I remind myself that it is safe to put down my shield. I can lean into my family's pattern of generosity, loyalty, and love instead. Transmuting the blocks by tapping into the blessings.
Are you looking for support in breaking those deep seeded family patterns? I specialize in helping people do just that and create new, aligned patterns based on their spiritual practice instead. You can find more here: Soul Therapy.
I've been carrying around this heaviness for over a year now and enough is enough.
It woke me up at 3:00 am this morning demanding to be felt, demanding to be seen.
Let me start at the beginning.
Around this time last year, someone who I deeply trusted told me that they thought I was a phony. They made claims about my authenticity and my ego took this experience and has been milking it for all it's worth... and I had been giving it a lot of worth.
This deep fear of unworthiness combined with the new fear of being inauthentic and created this insane energetic narrative within me. I was SO aware and freaked out about "copying" anyone that for awhile I didn't even feel called to create anything. I would have an idea, wait on it, then see a post so freaking similar to what I was thinking about and it would restart the spiral. I had to "mute" and "unfollow" some of my favorite spiritual coaches, leaders, etc. because I didn't want to be influenced by anything anyone was doing. I didn't want to use the wrong word in a post and suddenly be just another copy.
So, I spent the last year getting REAL with myself. I'm a Pisces rising, so it really isn't uncommon for me to adapt and flow with the quirks of other's and unconsciously integrate them. I had to look at each belief, each part of my passion and my personality and say "is this mine?" "where does this come from?"
It wasn't easy, in fact sometimes it was quite painful. The unlearning process is messy, but we must do it in order to remember and to relearn with love.
As I started rebuilding, I found myself becoming so excited with all the different ideas I had coming through and felt like all my messages were starting to come together through one thing... rituals.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not the first person to talk about rituals, but the way I do them and incorporate the oils is different from any other way I've seen. My ritual circle membership is a totally one of a kind way to reward people for the purchase they are already making.
Now though, I have a new obstacle to overcome. When I first starting talking about the oils and ritual, it felt like I was finally standing out and making my voice heard. Now though... it's coming up everywhere. Ego keeps telling me that once again I wasn't truly original because now look.. ritual this, ritual that, ritual everywhere.
As I mentioned, I just sobbed and sobbed over this at 3:00 this morning. I don't want to compete. I don't want to compare. I just want to serve and serve in a way that brings me joy. I just want to make an impact and I want do do it in a divinely authentic way. I've felt all ends of the spectrum, the anger, the jealousy, the sadness, the anxiety and I'm ready to transmute this story.
So I guess this is me saying, universe, take the wheel. Please guide me in how I'm meant to do this. I'm ready to make an impact. I'm ready to be seen and heard. I desire to do this in a way that is exciting, compassionate, and authentic. I desire to do this in a way that doesn't involve rigidity, negativity, and competitiveness. Show me the way and I will follow.
There are so many reasons to attend a retreat. If you've yet to experience the miracles that happen during a retreat, here's a bit of insight...
#1: Someone else has done the planning for you.
All those little details, the hows, the whats... someone else has figured all of that out ! All that you have to do is show up. Retreats take the best parts of a vacation and remove the hassle of having to plan. It's an excellent practice in surrendering and going with the flow.
#2: You'll finally have the time to do the inner work.
How many books do you have that are waiting to be read? The number of times you'd swear you'd take some time to journal, meditate, or be creative? A retreat creates the time for you. The inner work becomes a part of the sacred self care that is happening and you don't have to worry about finding space in the day.
#3: You'll try new things.
The first retreat I hosted held so many firsts for people- first reiki session, first time seeing Lake Michigan, first cacao ceremony, etc. We're constantly tempted to stay in our comfort zones, but at a retreat you never know what experiences may happen.
#4: You'll meet new friends.
The people you meet at a retreat are one of a kind. There is a certain type of magic that happens when groups of people come together under the shared intention of the retreat. While so many of our new connections happen via social media, the retreat brings back human connection.
#5: Retreats replenish your soul while igniting your spirit.
Since you didn't have to do the planning, you won't leave feeling like you need a vacation from the retreat. In fact, you may leave feeling more energetic and excited about life than ever. Retreats provide an atmosphere for personal growth and relaxation that you won't find anywhere else. You'll learn the type of self care you're truly worthy of and that makes a difference in your life, even after you leave.
Are you ready to sign up for a retreat? Check out my Sacred Self Care Retreats to see what is currently available!
What a magical time of year. It's the first full moon of the Autumn season and it's in Aries and Pisces!
The sign of Aries offers a firey energy that doesn't want us to just release all that's holding us back- it wants us to burn it down.
While full moon is always a great time to release anything and everything that you're feeling called to release, this full moon is asking us to focus in on our relationships. This could be romantic relationships, friendships, partnerships, family, etc.
This ritual will help you channel that firey energy, inspire you to restate your boundaries and get clear on the types of relationships you desire in your life.
If you have access to space that allows for a bonfire, I completely encourage you to do this ritual by the fire! If you don't have access to space that allows for a bonfire, lighting a candle will do the trick.
This ritual comes in two parts and you can do it all together or separately.
Part I: Releasing Relationships
Did you love this ritual? Any ah-ha moments? Share with our loving community, Spiritual Self Care.
How do you respond to stress?
Are you good at relaxing?
Both of the responses to the answers are crucial to your quality of life.
My frustration threshold used to be basically nothing.
My patience felt nonexistent.
Every little thing felt like a big thing.
Every big thing felt earth shattering.
Now, I am able to more quickly see how each obstacle is a detour to a better direction. I am more quick to trust that what is happening. I am confident knowing that I have the tools to walk myself through this stressful experience, make meaning of it, and find relief.
What is more stressful- the precipitating event/trigger or our response to it?
We have the most control over our response, but even then, sometimes our nervous system goes into overdrive. We go into constant fight or flight mode.
Which means the answer to that second question- Are you good at relaxing? Is a big fat no. You WANT to be good at relaxing. You want to relax… but you’re feeling that pull of the to-do list or even harder, the to-be list.
How you respond to stress seriously impacts not only your quality of life, but your longevity! I don’t need to tell you how bad stress is for you- it is pretty well documented at this point how much of a toll stress takes on your body.
When we’re in this state, one stressful situation seems to impact all parts of our life. We take our personal problems to work. We take our work problems home. We start little fights with our loved ones out of being so freaking tired.
We need a better way to respond to stress. Our livelihood and wellbeing of ourselves and our families depends on it!
The Chakra Goddess energy therapy program does just this. Through going through the program, you will naturally learn new ways of responding to stress. You will learn a go-to system for stress relief and relaxation that will boost your overall health, improve your relationships, and promote balance.
This program combines two transformative practices: journaling and reiki. It is these practices that will completely shift your stress response so that you respond in a way that helps you grow.
Find out more here: The Chakra Goddess
What happens during an intuitive reiki healing?
Each person’s experience is beautifully unique.
Here is what happens from my perspective:
The shared intention of healing creates a bridge of energetic connection between myself and the person/people who are receiving the healing. I begin to receive messages almost immediately throughout my entire body. During my attunements, I was transported to this sacred forest for healing. I recognized this space from other dreams that I had that involved the archangels teaching me how they do energy healings. I knew this was the place for me to share with the souls I would be blessed enough to work with. Sometimes this place changes and I roll with where spirit guides me, but more often than not we start in this sacred place.
One of my gifts is translating energy into words and a deep understanding of how the chakras work. I’m able to feel exactly where there are lingering energies that are not serving and release them. I focus in on each chakra and share exactly what is coming through to me. Combining reiki with my intuitive gifts have made my healings extra powerful because while I use my energy to decipher, channel, and interpet… reiki heals. Reiki activates the healing within you and intensifies inner peace.
In each chakra, we clear the energies of stories- from this life, past lives, etc. Once the space is cleared, we call in new stories in the forms of affirmations, light, symbols, sacred geometry, etc. Sharing what the new energy looks/feels/sounds like is one of my favorite parts. My body tingles with excitement and optimism. It is a process of complete unconditional love and support.
Reiki is loving, intelligent energy that flows exactly to where it is needed. This means that while our focus may be on one chakra, we can trust that reiki is addressing all parts of the mind, body, and soul. Reiki is also not bound to the same rules of time and distance as we know it. This means that reiki can transcend space and time, being just as effective in person, distance, live, or via recording. It all works the same. It is only our ego that thinks there’s any difference.
To me, distance energy work is very similar to the way that music works. You don’t need to be in the recording studio with the artist the very first time they record that song that resonates so deeply with your soul it makes you cry- you may very well experience this reaction every time you listen to the song. The same goes for reiki healings- you don’t have to be in the same room at the same time as a healing is occuring. You can listen to it over and over again and feel the power.
Are you ready to experience an intuitive reiki healing?
Book your session here: Intuitive Reiki